So you've decided to take the plunge and buy a copy of the Quarterly, but here's the thing - you're worried we are secretly a Nigerian bank employee who will perform nefarious deeds with your credit card details, start spamming you with MegaElbow emails ('Is your elbow so small your wife can hardly feel it when you nudge her in the ribs - try new MegaElbow and become a real man!') or destroy your family's reputation by implicating your great-grandfather in the murder of Abraham Lincoln (when oh when will Nic Cage call it a day?). Never fear, dear prospective Torpedo reader. One click on the checkout will take you to our Paypal store, which if you didn't know is owned by eBay. If you don't have a Paypal account with which to pay, they accept credit cards of all nature and colours. We live in ignorance of your online goings-on, and only receive an email from Paypal telling us that huzzah! Some kind gentleman or lady has just purchased a copy of Torpedo and you must mail it to them immediately. So you can rest easy in the knowledge that your family's reputation as treasure hunters is secured, and if your missus can't feel your elbow, try nipping her. Here is a picture of someone who chose not to buy Torpedo.

Falcon vs. Monkey wants to hear from you. We have an open callout for submissions, starting now. In particular we want to read short fiction. By that we mean no novels (not yet), no poetry and no personal travelogues. Send them in for perusal to torpedo@falconvsmonkey.com. To be eligible for Volume 2 of Torpedo, we have to read your submission before 31st January 2008, although we'll just keep filling future volumes as we receive your delights. We will reply to all submissions, but please be patient. Oh, and we like people who are nice, polite and who have read the quarterly and know what we're about. If you have seen a copy, you'll know we have a graphic short fiction section, so if that's the sort of work you're doing, send some jpegs, a pdf or a link and we'll check you out. The illustrators who feature within the quarterly and who design our fantabulous colour wraparound covers are hand-picked by us and have already been decided upon for the first 6 issues, but if you'd like to be considered for future volumes (or other FvM projects), again send a link or pdf to say hello.

Here is another damned ugly monkey.

Volume One of Falcon vs. Monkey's new fiction quarterly, Torpedo is now on sale in the online store, and this website is officially launched. Huzzah! Be a good egg - buy Torpedo and spread the word. Since this is such a heady time of year and everyone has Xmas parties to go to, the official launch party will now take place in January, at The Athenaeum Library, Collins Street. There will be opera singing and much merriment. In the meantime, here is a photo of an ugly monkey to scar your brain.